The Value of Silence - Are You Looking for Answers?
When we’re young, we think by the time we reach middle age, we’ll have all the answers about where we’re going in life. The fact is, as we get older, the questions about our lives change from “Who should I marry?” “Should I have children” “What should I do for my career?” to other, deeper questions- “Has my life had meaning?” “Where do I go from here and what’s left for me to accomplish?”
Sometimes I feel I’ve spend my entire life looking for answers. Either I wasn’t finding them or the answers I did find weren’t what I hoped they’d be, which left me even more dissatisfied. The past couple of years, I’ve been asking many questions and wasn’t finding ANY answers. I felt frustrated and my life was not going in the direction I wanted it to, or indeed any real direction at all.
This past weekend I attended a yoga retreat, led by the yoga instructor I’ve had for the past 2 years. Kay Cohen isn’t just a yoga teacher, she lives yoga spiritually as well. There are all kinds of yoga teachers and many, I think, treat yoga as a healthful exercise rather than teaching about the true spirit of yoga, which is where peace and calm really lies. The poses stretch your body and feel good but there is so much more to yoga than that, if you find a teacher who can bring this aspect to a class. This is what Kay does for those she teaches.
I had never been to a yoga retreat and I knew that from Friday at 10 pm to Saturday at 10 pm, we would observe 24 hours of silence. We would spend the time at the retreat in group meditation and two sessions of yoga and be served delicious meals. Other than that structure, we could spend out time reading, having therapeutic treatments, journaling or whatever we liked.
I learned many things this weekend. One is why I’ve never had success with meditation. On Friday night, we had a meditation session and my mind refused to calm down and relax. On Saturday morning, we had a one hour meditation and for the first 30 minutes, my mind also jumped hither and thither. By the second half of the session, though, my mind really absorbed the calm and it spread through me. That feeling of calm stayed with me all weekend and I still feel it now.
You would think that being unable to talk to anyone would be awkward but really it was freeing. We spend a lot of time in polite small talk because we feel we “should” be saying something to fill the silence. When we aren’t focusing on other people, we can focus inward and there, in that inner silence, we can find answers about our lives.
Actually, another thing I learned in the silence is that maybe questions and answers aren’t all that important. We get all wound up, worrying about what we should do about different events or problems in our lives, when maybe the one thing that will really help is just to be silent and wait for things to unfold, believing that whatever happens it will be the best thing for us. If there are steps we should take to make this happen, in silence we can hear that voice that whispers guidance to us.
I think in today’s modern world, with 24 hour news, the wonders of having all information at our fingertips with the Internet, cell phones keeping us in touch 24/7, radio, TV, people everywhere, we really have to make it a point to seek silence so we can recharge our batteries and listen to what’s inside us. All that noisy stuff is just a distraction.
One thing that made this yoga retreat special too was the location. The retreat center, The Center of the Divine Light is located at Wizard Wells, Jacksboro, Texas, and seems far, far away from the busyness of life. There is no TV, no radio, no newspaper. The silence is palpable at first, until you grow used to it, because you don’t hear traffic sounds or any noises of the modern world.This all combined to make the 24 hour silence that much more intense.
People used to come to Wizard Wells to partake of the healing mineral waters, which comes from the wells there. Many people who live there or visit also bring healing energy to the atmosphere.
Some of my readers may not believe this but within a few hours of arriving at Wizard Wells, every ache and pain in my body disappeared. No pain in my joints, no pain from my bone spur. It was just gone. I thought maybe it was because I wasn’t on the computer but within a few hours of returning home, all those aches and pains came back and I didn’t touch the computer until later the next day.
Whenever we have such a profound experience or even if we go on a relaxing vacation, the trick is to allow that calm, peaceful feeling to continue when we get home and back to reality.
I have to say, I really feel the retreat created a lasting change in the way I am doing things. It’s long been my intention to focus more on meditation and healing practices, like my tai chi and qigong. I kept getting in my own way, spending too much time on the computer, being distracted by keeping myself constantly busy. Every morning since the retreat, instead of immediately jumping on the computer after my husband leaves for work, I’ve been spending 20 minutes meditating. During the day, I make it a point appreciate the value of silence.
It’s very relaxing not to have the constant noise and chatter in the background. I didn’t even realize how it affected me until I started focusing on the silence.
If you have questions or issues in your own life and you’re seeking answers, I urge you to let learn the value of silence. Maybe that’s where you’ll find what you’re looking for.
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Your story about practicing “24 hours of silence” reminds me of the technique of silent hiking which I learned from Judy Shane in New Zealand. Here’s the description of silent hiking which I wrote in December of 2010…. http://www.billbirnbaum.com/2010/12/have-you-tried-silent-hiking/ Bill
My wife has lots of medical problems, several of which involve muscles and joints. She also struggles with releasing stress. As far as I knows she has never attempted yoga, maybe because the various poses cause too much pain.
Do you know of a yoga book for absolute beginners or those with disabilities? I might surprise her with it, and even try some of the exercises with her.
Bob, there are several great videos out there for beginners or those with arthritis. Peggy Cappy has several specifically for that. Her yoga series is called “Yoga for the Rest of Us.” You can google her to see where to get the DVD’s (Amazon has a couple of them) and it says too they are available on Netflix. She also has a PBS TV show that I’ve seen too. I guess PBS doesn’t have a way to watch their shows without purchasing them but they do sell her DVD’s as well.
You’re right, yoga not only helps release the joints via stretching, but also releases stress, which tends to lock us up physically. Many people have used yoga as a self-healing tool and been very successful.
She might also consider finding a class that specializes in yoga for arthritis or disabilities. At our YMCA, the yoga class is basic but the teacher asks each new student if they have any medical issues and she is great about modifying poses for them. We had one woman with MS in our class who was able to make progress with yoga.
Hope that helps!
Bill, the article you wrote on silent hiking was amazing! I’d never heard of that before but it makes total sense. Being out in nature helps boost the good energy we feel and helps us get in touch with things greater than ourselves.
I saw in some of the comments people talked about seeing hikers, bicyclists, etc with ipods glued to their ears-lol They are indeed missing the true essence of what it’s about. I feel that way when I walk my dogs and see people chatting on their cell phones-lol
Thanks for sharing!
Bob, two other yoga thoughts for your wife. The YMCA where I live offers “chair yoga” which might be perfect for her. I started with that myself. I also saw Peggy Cappy on YouTube so you could check her out there and see if you think it would help your wife.
Thanks so much Joan for the information. i will check them all out. Chair yoga may be a great starting point.
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